Warrior Churchmouse (formerly known as Zen Dixie)
  • Home
  • The Front Page Blog
  • Joyful Noise - Cajon Boxes
  • INDEX

I Am My Stories, So Are You

10/21/2025

0 Comments

 
Where to start? I may be going too far back into my personal history, but this is such a great story and it may explain why I eventually learned to respect some of my professors who I had at one point thought were frustratingly apathetic.  I take no pride in admitting that. 

We were on site, working a salvage dig when some old guys, very old guys walked up an started giving us pointers on things like microleveling, how to see when and why the color of the soil was changing, etc.  I listened politely and actually learned a few things, but wasn't as impressed as I should hav e been.  Some of my fellow undergraduates got snotty.  The PhD in charge called them to the van and gave them a talking to.  Later on, I found out why.  Those men were the few remaining WPA/CCC archaeologists who had been sent out to excavate burial mounds and habitation sites long before universities in Tennessee and Kentucky even had anthropology programs. They might not have the letters after their names, but they had the experience and know-how to show us how to do our jobs.  

Not every bit of disciplinary wisdom is found in a classroom. 

Fast forward to years ago, I was a contributing editor at an online sports outlet, our editor-in-chief used to ask all of us to offer some words of advice to the rookies coming onboard just ahead of the preseason events we'd be sending them out to cover.  There were about a dozen of us, so the views were pretty diverse. Since most of us were around since the days that the site was a smallish literary backwater where we were encouraged to "avoid box scores and game recaps and write about what we loved about the sport," it was interesting to see how we all saw our jobs almost a decade later.

The first year, (Was there a second?  Time flies...*) I thought hard about what I'd say that would be of any use to someone new to this milieu.  Then it hit me.  So here's what I wrote:

"Think of fans as both your toughest critics and your best editorial voice.  Every one of them thinks they can do your job better than you can.  A few might be able to, but most know deep down writing does not come easily to everyone, no matter how much they love the subject. There are many who may have forgotten more about the sport and the team than you will ever know.  Give them respect and pay attention.  They love what you love and want you to succeed in conveying that love to your readers. "

In a way, an email I received yesterday brings all of that full circle.  It comes as surprise for the simple reason that I was pretty convinced no one was reading this website.   Here's the letter:

"Why r u wasting this space? No1curr. Ur posts r full of typos n you write like a idiot."

Well, aren't you a delight? He or she or they do have a point.  There are too many typos and if this isn't your cup of tea, well, it just isn't.  Could you do my job better than me?  It comes down to you, dear reader, who might check to be sure there are no typos and me, the person who owns this website, and who just wants to tell my stories and get on with my day.  It does make me wonder about people who have this much free time and spend it on things that seem to make them mad. 

For example,**  I follow politics like an responsible citizen.  Still, I know when I'm headed to outrage overload.  That's when I click on Merv or NerdECrafter or one of a half dozen fun Youtube channels that help me hit reset. Y'all might have the energy and free time to rage watch.  Okay, you do you. 

As for why I am doing this?  In part, gathering my stories helps me to recover myself and sharpens my meager writing skills. I am my stories. So are you. Instead of being mad at me. Try writing down your own memories.  Releasing them to the ether of the net or the pages of a journal is one way of using memory to lay claim to who you are.  It is a personal Rosetta Stone that can unlock where you have been and point to where you need to go next.  It can also release these bits and pieces and make room for what is to come. Long story short,*** I do this for me.  if it makes you smile, well, as comedian, Rich Fulcher might say, that's gravy. 
 

*like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. Sorry, I couldn't resist.  And stick taps to S. J. Perelman. 
**Another one? Really?  
***Too late.  -The Cast of Clue
0 Comments

Not Them!

10/14/2025

0 Comments

 
Yesterday, I met with my new PCP and her staff.  They are part of a faith-based medical group.  I mentioned to my mother that there was a crucifix over the door of the exam room and framed Bible verses on the reception desk.  For me, this is not a big deal.  In fact, it's a comforting reminder that God has my back.  She agreed.  

We couldn't help but wonder about non-Christians who visited this clinic.  Was the religious imagery off-putting?  Did they even notice?  If they did, was it seen as a case of what some social science types refer to as ambient Protestantism in the southeastern US.  In the interest of disclosure, I tend to avoid other kinds of businesses that include fish or crosses in their signage or promotional material. Those emblems seem to hide a multitude of sins I'd prefer to avoid. Yet I was okay with my doctor's office having a cross over the door. 

Should I be okay with this?  I want to be.  I also know one of the perks of living in a big city is there are options for people seeking healthcare. Moreover, there is a part of me that says it should be okay to have faith-based environments among the choices offered.  I want to feel comfortable being open about my faith just as I want other people who desire the opposite to be comfortably free from faith.  I was taught that religionn and politics were not fodder for polite conversation in public. Can there be a middle ground? ​
0 Comments

October 05th, 2025

10/5/2025

0 Comments

 
Picture
My birthday (October 4th) is the best one on the Christian calendar. October 4th is recognized by a chunk of my part of the Mosaic Triad as the ascension day of Saint Francis of Assisi. This means -wait for it!- Animals in church! 

Work and the vagaries of life mean I often have to celebrate my birthday more as a birth week. Things have been busy for a number of reasons.  Most of my celebrating will be done in the days to come. Enough about that except to show one of my favorite bits from The Vicar of Dibley below.

We lost Jane Goodall earlier this week. She was a hero and a role model and even though it's hard to say, "Rest" amd leave it at that, we have an obligation to do so.  She was a source of goodwill and delight in creation who served as a model for how we need to approach all, and I do mean all of our fellow earthlings.  I cried.  The last person I don't know I cried over was Pope Rocky, oops, Pope Francis.  I like Pope Leo, but Francis was the start of me feeling hopeful again. 

Then I cried when I saw the news this morning.  This time it was happy tears. We have a new Archbishop of Canterbury. We need her so much right now!   And yes, we still need Jane Goodall and people like her.  What we need to remember is this is not about dropping our resolve to continue to make the world a better place. This is about doubling down on filling the people-shaped holes they left in our lives.

ᏅᏩᏙᎯᏯᏓ​, ειρήνη, Pax, Paz, 平和 , Peace, Pais, سلام , Frieden, שלום, Pace, мир, 和平, शांति, Amani, Barış, 평화
​Jas 

0 Comments

Kids and Their... Toys

9/29/2025

0 Comments

 
​There are six of us on the chat and five of us have noticed that our friend has what looks like the ugliest fetish we have ever seen sitting on her desk. In a private side chat, one of my former classmates, Faye, asks me if I recognize it. I tell her I don't and affirm that it looks mass produced. We are all politely waiting for our friend to talk about what she's been doing lately and hope the mystery of the ugly little figure on her desk will be solved.

No such luck. She says she's still doing work on community gardens and co-ops as a response to the spread of urban food deserts.  While this is good news, some of us are getting impatient with the weird ;ittle thing staring at us from far side of her desk. Finally Ben, who has never had the strongest of filters, breaks our silence about it.

"Claire, what the heck is that thing?"

Claire, who has always been the sweetest of us, but can also be a little out of the flow at times, starts to pick up various items as Ben responds, "No.  Not that.  THAT."

She finally grabs the small, brightly colored stuffie that looks, to me anyway, like a bad Chinese bootleg of a Maurice Sendak Wild Thing doll. 

"Oh. This?"  She holds it in front of her computer camera for all of us to see. We hear a voice from another room as her nine-year-old granddaughter calls in to her:  "Can I have my Labubu, Nainai?"

"Not until your parents pick you up," Nainai, er, Claire addresses someone off-camera. "How many times did I tell you to quit teasing your little brother with your Lulu?"

There is a sigh from off-camera.  "It's Lah-Boo-Boo, Nainai! Gah!"

Claire orders her to go play a game with her brother, which is met with another, "Gah!" but the girl complies. 

"That's a Labubu?"  Faye asks.

"So you've heard of them?" Claire sits the one we've been examining back on her desk.  

"Kids these days. Do those things have a backstory? Do they do anything? To think I used to complain about my grands' Horror High and Bratz dolls."

I do not have children and will sometimes play the childless cat lady card. Besides, I didn't want to ex[lain the happy little pile of plush gargoyles and assorted stuffed monsters who occupy a corner of my studio. 

XOXO,
​Jas
0 Comments

Thoughts About The (Latest) Rapture

9/28/2025

0 Comments

 
​September 24th came and left without the hundreds or maybe thousands of people who expected to be taken up to heaven.  I'll admit to checking in to Facebook that day as unraptured and still in Tennessee. I do feel a little bad about that, but just a little because, like many people in the Southeastern U.S., I know people - Heck, I'm related to some of them-  who talk about the rapture in wistful tones. To them, the world is a terrible place and their lives are so relentlessly hard that what comes after has to be an improvement. 

My usual response is that Heaven is probably pretty great compared to, say Gallatin, Tennessee. However, their lives are already considerably better than most of the people in the rest of the world. They are arguably living better than a lot of my clients in Gallatin. Their response is inevitably some variation of, "Heaven!" and "They can come, too!" 

Yeah.  Heaven.  About that...

How do I write this without sounding crazy?  I'm not sure I can.  Either you'll believe me or you won't. 

In 2020, my heart fired a warning shot in late November. Then it responded to my reaction of, "Well, that was interesting. All tickety-boo now!" with my valves and some other chunks of it dying in my chest and me dying on the table and then spending a little over a week in a coma developing the annoying habit of coding so often that the critical care staff and the slightly resentful cardiologist took great care of me; but it reached a point where I'm pretty sure they were saying, "Her again?"

What was I doing while this was going on?  Binning two years of math, engineering, physics, astronomy, and nearly all of the German I'd learned. Frolicking around unencumbered by a body and seeing people arriving and departing the hospital in ways that didn't require street clothing or a designated driver. I made a friend and saw that Heaven is real, God is real, and Jesus is real. (Get over it!) You know how there's that one weird kid who doesn't want to go home from camp at the end of the Summer?  That was me when they woke me up. 

I think about this when people talk about how they wish the world would end and they would be taken up.  Many of these same people have families, tribal affiliations, well-defined roles in their lives, and there's that sense of purpose tick-tocking away in their brains. I would be lying if I said I understood why they were and maybe still are anxious to doff all of this and ascend. Will they be okay or will they have nagging feelings that some things were left incomplete?

When I was waiting for the cow parts to get in so the Great and Powerful Oz aka my thoracic surgeon could get me going again, random people would come into my room and tell me what they thought my mission was going to be once I was well again. Some of them charged me for it, weirdoes. It amazed me how many people felt the need to tell me what I was supposed to do once I got out of the hospital.  

A couple of years later, a nurse recognized me and referred to me as "the lady who died and came back."  Then a lot of those awkward encounters made a lot more sense. It serves as a qualifier of sorts that I carry like my library card and some spare cash for farm stand peaches. I pull it out whenever someone speaks wishfully of Jesus coming back and the world as we know it ending, but I don't use it and I should. 

Friends and relatives sit next to me on the benches at Drake's Creek Park or watch their kids play on the swingset at Haebeggar's Roadside or they look out at the beautiful, wooded hills that surround Nashville and they talk about how they can't wait to leave.  

I'm not.  Even though I know my time here is a matter of running the clock out with no promise of connection or accomplishment, I still feel the urge to do good and make art and enjoy music and movies and books and observe humanity in it's beautiful, heartbreaking, hilarious glory, whether it's from behind a pulpit or a lectern. To ask for anything else is to look at what God has created for us and say, "Eh. No thanks!" 

Even if I don't say it out loud, my experience has qualified me to at least think we're lucky we don't get exactly what we want. 

So quit looking for that divine Uber to come get you and carpe diem already! 
XOXO,
​Jas
0 Comments

The Legend of the Warrior Churchmouse

9/27/2025

0 Comments

 
Late last night there was what could best be described as an attempt at blogging by committee.  My blog is too Jesus-y.  The name is stupid.  I need to tell the Hobbit story and recount my standoff with That Guy and so on.  Some stuff I am on the same page with them.  Other points? Whose website is this? 

I will address the name change.

Zen Dixie was actually what I settled on after every other name I picked out was taken.  Even it turned out to be used and discarded by a musician who did not respond for almost a year to emails from the lawyer who did what official lawyerly duties needed to be done.  There was also the short-live art gallery that tried to take over the name at one point, did a hashtag flood on Twitter, and employed one of my writers. (Yes, ma'am.  I saw that.  Not sure what point you were trying to prove, but you do you.)  Anyway, after years of use and overuse, missing the deadline to renew the registered trademark*, and just needing the make what changes I could, I decided to rebrand my online self.  

I originally wanted to go as "Mouse."  Big surprise that it was taken years ago. Then I tried "Churchmouse.com" Nope.  Somebody has been squatting Churchmouse.com and they only want 24K for it.  Let me get three of them, they're small.  Churchmouse.net looks like a fun site and Lyn seems like a nice person. I should add the domain and hosting for ZenDixie are paid up for the next few years, so changing seems a bit problematic beyond the title on the home page. There's the social media stuff to be considered as well.  Mice and Churchmice seem to be all over the place. I'll deal with it when I deal with it. 

So I was feeling cute and decided to be "Xena, Warrior Churchmouse."  Steeeerike three!  Platforms suggested "Warrior Churchmouse" and a search even brought up an illustration I drew for the website I used to write for.** Fine.  I'll take it. So I'm "Warrior Churchmouse." 

Peace,
​Jas

*I did that myself in a year and a day.  Either L. was being very kind or he really was impressed I handled the whole thing with the USPTO without help.  Ahdunno.  I'm still proud of that. 

** Her design is inspired by George Harriman's wonderful Krazy Kat.  Somewhere there is a drawing of Evgeni Malkin as Krazy Kat and Ignatz Mouse beaning him with a brick. This was me venting after Malkin knocked Jordin Tootoo airborne and spent no time in the penalty box for it.  BOTH of 22's skates were in the air!  Get your eyes checked, ref! ​
0 Comments

Oh Me Of Little Faith

9/26/2025

0 Comments

 
​Today was the culmination of a week of death by a hundred duck bites.  Little irritations,  more accurately called first world problems made me feel hopeless. There were also a couple of things that were big deals.  My now former PCP tried to block the refill of medications that are keeping me alive. I have been scared and exhausted most of the week. I reached a point where it seemed like the most logical thing to do was throw decency into a mental ashbin and be an utter toad.

The email with a video link that was meant to encourage me by revealing that I failed at the usual human things most humans do because God wanted my undivided attention did not make me feel encouraged. He wants me all to himself according to this person and the video they sent.  Really? With all the billions of considerably more appealing people than me on the planet right now?  Fine.  I'll be the worst girlfriend ever. So I left a snotty comment om the diocese's Facebook page. 

I screamed, "I hate you!" at a video of the president when he talked smack about Memphis.

I flipped off someone for winking at me and giving me a thumbs up.

So how did God repay this horrible behavior? I went to pick up what I thought was going to be single bottle of something I probably already had.  The delivery drawer slid open and almost got stuck with the armload of my much-needed prescriptions. All of them were labeled 0.00 on the price line. 

As I drove home, I thought about a story we used to tell at the Episcopal Student Union:

One day I felt angry and neglected.  I called upon God and asked, "Why don't you love me?"

He told me to go to my refrigerator and open the door. It was full of food that fueled and nourished me.  Then he told me to go to my closet. Was it not full of clothes to cover, protect, and sometimes even delight me? 

What was the question again?


I called a friend who is a priest and told him what was going on and that I really did not deserve to be loved and yet there was the proof of my sparrow's care (Matthew 6:26) sitting in a pile on my kitchen table.  He reminded me that God sees the whole picture.  He was there through five years of sickness and transplants and blindness and knows that I am perfectly imperfect.  All he asks in return is faith in the promise and the price he paid for me. (John 3:16)

"I'm so awful."  I snuffled as I choked this out.

"Well, that's a gift, too," he said, "If you didn't feel disturbed, that would be cause for worry."

He's right. Even though I stubbornly hang on to scraps of guilt, I know how blessed I am. I know he's right.

Peace,
​Jas
0 Comments

Marigold Is Happy

9/21/2025

0 Comments

 
Picture
I can always tell when she's feeling content.  After morning Boops and Third Breakfast*, she climbs on top of the oven range and goes to sleep.  This week was tough for many people who mean a lot to me. For some, it is finding the right words.  For others, it's more complicated. T-Rex (you'll meet her soon) lost her brother and I have been getting things squared away as I rebuild my life and start to move forward. 

At first, I considered this the consequence of mindless acquisition to fill spaces left by people and ideas and roles that no longer fit into my life.  This always starts with going through my books. The picture above is of my kitchen and shows one of three cases in there that will be culled through soon.  Did anyone else read From the Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler and want to live in a museum or a library when they grew up?   The old Nashville Children's Museum next to NATs would have been fine with me except for the shrunken heads.  They were scary and would have to go!**

But I digress.***

It's Sunday.  I've decided to rest. My mother and I went to online church, ate breakfast, and are enjoying the morning quiet. Later on, we're going to shell the big bag of October Beans I bought from an Amish farm stand, enjoy some fresh peaches from the same place. Marigold loves it when everyone is home and the house is peaceful. So do I. She's even happier when I cook, but today's fare consists of the chicken. kale, and gnocchi soup I made yesterday. She can work out her disappointment if any arises on her collection of tinsel balls. 

My own collection of tinsel balls is shrinking.  Rediscovering my shelves of books about archaeology, anthropology, and folk studies that now sit with the growing reading list of theological texts I need to familiarize myself with has given me a sense of recovering who I was. It sits unimpeded by so much that no longer applies. It also gives me reason to think a little harder about why I am here.  The common answer is to  trust that God has a plan.  Taking things one step at a time can sometimes feel daunting. Am I here to go into the ministry?  Was I really called?  Is there something else I am supposed to be doing?  Why am I still in Nashville?  Is there someone I am supposed to minister to? Am I just here to shell October Beans? 


Enjoy and rejoice in the Sunday you are given,
Jas


*We feed her canales of cat food.  Give her the whole thing at once and it dries out and goes uneaten. She loves delicate princess portions and eating from the spoon if my mother is serving. 

**Bad future anthropologist! No fedora for you! 

*** Okay, say it with me:  I am old. I am Southern. I am allowed to wander and think in paragraphs. If it's good enough for Wendell Berry and Robert Penn Warren, it is good enough for all y'all ​

0 Comments

People Are People...

9/13/2025

0 Comments

 
​One beautiful Fall day I was sitting in a quiet, sunlit nook in the library at Western Kentucky University when my peace was mightily disturbed by a distraught classmate. She was leaving the anthropology program to major in art.  Why? 

"People are awful to each other and that's all we talk about! I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE!"

Okay, to be fair, we had that one weird chick who plastered Amnesty International and Southern Poverty Law Center stickers all over everything she owned that we were pretty sure she never paid for.   That wasn't what made her weird, though. She managed to work 
xōchiyāōyōtl*  into every classroom conversation.  If allowed to go undirected this always veered off into the details of Aztec Five Suns rituals and her breathless description of the priests lifting the still-beating hearts out of the chests of their victims.  It could be unsettling if you weren't expecting it. 

No. It wasn't just her.  It was all of humanity.  They -we- although I prefer to think of myself as a misplaced neanderthal, were rotten to the core. 

Yeah, we can be awful.  We can be shadows of the magnificent creatures we evolved into being.  We can be heartbreaking and maddening.  We can be so morally bankrupt that it staggers the imagination. Last week,  I saw this firsthand with people who are supposed to be healers when they flat out lied about large, raised welts and bruises on my arms.  I was taught that raising my voice, that getting angry meant I automatically lost the argument.  Now, I wish I had bared my teeth and let them know how angry I was.  I sat in a parking lot and cried for I don't know how long.  (I had my first improv class that night.  What rotten timing.  I was exhausted by then. Really, God?) 

A little later that day, I went to the last post0surgical appointment with the woman who restored my sight. She and her staff are far more wonderful than the people who made a bruised, gory mess of my arm were evil. Just spending time with them and talking about the progress I'd made and what to expect next was healing.  Stuff balances out.

Getting back to my classmate, she said she wanted to hide away from the world and make art.  Not sure it works that way, but, okay.  I never saw her after that and hope that the person who showed her a reproduction of Guernica was gentle.
 
Go hug somebody,
Jas


​
*Nahuatl for "Flower War"  Sometimes we pronounced it "Xylitol" just to irritate her.  Did I mention that I am not a nice person at times?
0 Comments

Truth and Consequences

9/8/2025

0 Comments

 
​​Someone asked me if my latest post was a true story. Yes, it did happen. I don't remember exactly when but I did finally recall what prompted my boyfriend to do that.  We were watching Silence of the Lambs. During the first few minutes of the movie which contained a scene where an overweight girl is walking to her car at night in Memphis when she is kidnapped by Buffalo Bill. Biffrin turned to me and said, "Heck of a time for you to start working nights in Germantown."  Germantown is a suburb of -everybody together now- Memphis. 

I guess he felt he owed me movie magic or somesuch thing men think women want. 

The person who wanted to know about the Lloyd Dobler thing made some guess about which boyfriend it was and wanted to know why I didn't name names. At the risk of tipping my hand here, he's no longer with us. You live long enough and you start to see people lose the road. This is his story as much as it is mine and I didn't feel right calling him out posthumously even though I astill think what he did was very sweet. 

I'll say it now. I'm not naming names or if I do they are new names chosen by the people who were there.  My best friend from middle school could have chosen any number of perfectly serviceable, adult names for this site.  She picked "T-Rex," so she will go down in posterity as T-Rex. Other people?  People who may not have been at their best?  They will be creatively renamed.  You will know these people when you see them. 
 
In veritas, libertas. Or something.
​Jas
0 Comments
<<Previous

    The Front Page  Blog

    All of the little "life so far" essays from the home page will be preserved here. .

    Archives

    October 2025
    September 2025

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

Copyright 2007 - 2025
Legal stuff to make you very sleepy (binaural beats not included.)

All original content on this blog is the property of the blog owner and protected by U.S. and international copyright laws and cannot be stored on any retrieval system, reproduced, reposted, displayed, modified or transmitted in any form, electronic or otherwise without written permission of the copyright owner except as noted below. A brief excerpt of content may be quoted as long as a link is provided back to the source page on this blog and this blog owner is noted as author or source. DISCLAIMER This is a personal website for the owner of Zen Dixie. The content within it is intended for personal use. The views and opinions within this blog represent the owner. It does not represent the opinions and views of other people, institutions, or organizations the owner may be affiliated with individually or as a group unless stated explicitly.

And furthermore...
Zen Dixie is a sole proprietorship owned and operated by Jas Faulkner. Any attempts to conduct business or procure money, credentials and other perks, or publish using this name by anyone other than the owner of this site, domain, and trademark will be dealt with swiftly and to the full extent that legal intervention allows.

Unless otherwise stated, the material published within this website and/or linked to this website is copyright of Zen Dixie and/or Jas Faulkner. No part may be reproduced in whole or in part without the specific written permission of Jas Faulkner (sole proprietor of Zen Dixie) first hand and obtained.